(Peace Be Unto Her) (May Her Hooves Never Be Shod)
The Invisible Pink Unicorn is a being of great spiritual power. We know this because she is capable of being invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that she is pink; we logically know that she is invisible because we can't see her.

Our Mission

Summary of the Major Articles of Faith
Our Lady Unicorn is Pink and Invisible.
She prefers Pineapple and Ham Pizza to Pepperoni and Mushroom. The latter is said to be eaten only by followers of the despicable Purple Oyster (of Doom). [cf]
The Followers of the IPU have more Holy Days than those of all other faiths put together, as any Holy Day of any faith is automatically an IPU Holy Day. Holy Days are used by the Faithful to sow seeds of doubt and uncertainty in the minds of addicts of other religions. The Holiest Day of the Year is April 1st. It is the day on which the She suggests we find a religious nut and say "There is as much evidence for the existence of your god/gods as there is for the Invisible Pink Unicorn, why don't you check out her web-site, maybe you'll learn something?"
A significant number to followers of the IPU is 42. It is the answer to the question, "What is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?" Importantly, if you add together the digits of the year in which she was revealed, (1+9+9+4) you get 23. If you add 4 (for Her hooves), add 2 (Her ears) add 2 (Her eyes) add 1 (Her Horn), add 1 (Her tail) then add 9 the result is also 42. This proves the significance of Two Score and Two.
Certain chosen followers of the IPU are blessed with visitations, shown with signs in their laundry. See the Revelation of The Lost Prophetess of AOL for more details.

Becoming a Member

Tony Lawrence : The Ten Commandments
(A Man recounts the decalogue to Her Pinkness.)
The IPU shook her mane and stamped her feet impatiently. Her Holy Nostrils flared. "Anything else?" she inquired of the Man who stood quivering in front of her.

"Um..." The Man was obviously nervous. He was not enjoying this conversation, and the IPU's growing impatience was not helping. "Um, yes, we are, um, not..." The Man paused and then continued in a rush, "not supposed to covet our neighbour's wife!"

The IPU snorted loudly. "That's rich!" she bellowed. "Now THAT ought to be an easy one for you insatiable little monkey spawn. I'll just bet!" she chortled.

The Man shuffled his feet and stared at the ground. A small slug was crawling slowly through the leaves at his feet. The Man wished he could crawl off somewhere else.

But the IPU was not finished with her interrogation. "You have missed one. I believe you said there were ten commandments, and you have only told me nine. What is the tenth, insignificant turd?"

The Man swallowed hard. Hands clenched, he gritted his teeth and raised his head. He stared into the flashing eyes of the Holy IPU. "We are tmf nthr ds for em".

"WHAT!" The Holy IPU fixed the Man in her regal stare. "Speak up, you ugly pink ape!"

The Man's hands were shaking and his tongue could not work. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. Finally, eyes winced against the inexorable results, he spoke: "We are to have no other gods before Him." He closed his eyes and waited for the Fiery Breath to consume him.

Nothing happened. Cautiously, the Man opened his eyes. The Holy IPU was simply standing in front of him, and actually she looked more amused than angry.

"No other gods?" she asked. "As in, no worshipping of the One True God, Her Incredible Pinkness? No worship of ME?

The Man again found the slug to be the focus of his concentration. Something about its slow progress through the field encouraged him. The slug would reach its destination, and he, the Man, would also survive this day. The Holy IPU would not reduce him to a pile of cinders to be blown away by the summer wind.

The IPU spoke again. "Where is this Mighty One who is so jealous of Me?" she asked. "Have you seen Him?"

The Man looked at her once again. "I have not, but Moses has. The Lord spoke to him from a burning bush."

"Cheap carnival trick," offered Her Pinkness. "I don't suppose you've seen any tangible evidence of this Dude's presence, then. How about intangibles? Healing of the sick, bountiful crops, that sort of thing? Actually, I thought the harvest was pretty poor this year. Shouldn't your Pal have prevented that?"

The Man's face plainly displayed anger. He was well aware of the IPU"s refusal to even listen to entreaties for assistance. She didn't care if his people lived or died, and made it well known. Pleas for assistance were greeted with nothing but insults and laughter, if they were even entertained at all.

"There has been sin."

The Holy IPU raised her eyebrows. "Sin? Oh, how handy. Let me guess: I bet there's been some coveting, and some bearing of false witness, and perhaps some harsh words by teenagers to their parents, so conveniently enough, your Invisible Pal doesn't have to shower you with bounty. How beautifully done: set you up for failure, then get you to blame yourselves. I love it!"

"God is not Invisible. God is everywhere!" The Man was sullen, but was also remembering a certain bit of coveting that he was guilty of. He hated to think that it might be his fault that the crops were bad, but...

The IPU shook her mane, and looked off across the field. "Go away, Man." She spoke softly, even kindly. Usually her words were caustic, full of sarcasm and disgust. But now she seemed almost tender. No fire was in her eyes, and her hooves were not pounding the earth. "Go away," she repeated. "Go and pray to your invisible friend. Chastise yourself, and praise him. Punish everyone who will not join you in your delusion. Feel good about that, and believe that your Make Believe Buddy will reward you for your cruelty. Take his commandments, and rule your life by their words. Do not question anything, do not use your pitiful mind; simply give yourself over to this pathetic dream."

The IPU now looked sad. "You know, in spite of the fact that you are all incredibly ugly and hopelessly stupid, I had some hope for you." She paused, and looked again at the Man who stood before her, still afraid, but now confused by her inexplicable reversal of attitude.

"Things could have been different", she said, and then vanished in a puff of Pinkness.

The Man stood alone in the field. The last rays of the sun lengthened his shadow to where the IPU had stood. The grass was even now straightening up from the imprint of her hooves, and soon there would be no remaining trace of her presence at all. The slug had managed to move an entire pace away from the Man's foot. He stepped forward, bent down, and popped it in his mouth.

Gods suck, he thought as he walked back to his village.

Organization News

An Interview with the Grand High Llama of the IPU - Rich Daniel
Does the IPU really exist?
As much as god exists or Eric Draven for that matter. Take one horse. Paint it pink, put a horn on its head, make it invisible and you have an invisible pink unicorn. Does this mean its possible? Conventional Wisdom strictly forbids such an action. Of course Conventional Wisdom was sadly mistaken about the shape of the earth now wasn't it? The Earth didn't suddenly decide to become spherical in reaction to a popular poll. There isn't any proof that you can't have an IPU any more than there is proof that you can have one. If one is to deny the existence of the IPU one need to deny the existence of god, Santa Claus, truth in advertising, political reform, Jesus, and all other things that are intangible and not present on top of your terminal staring you right in the face at this moment. Can't have one or the other, this isn't the 31 flavours of philosophy. Accepting one implausible scheme such as waking up alive with all bodily functions still working requires that one admit that all other implausible schemes in the universe are possible. In fact the IPU is implausibility itself.
Is there a point to this?
Yes! The IPU is the cosmic guru of uncertainty. Since its invisible it can't possible be pink but it is. You're feeling uncertain right now aren't you. It is and it isn't at the same time. Normally only certain cats trapped in boxes with 50% chances to live could be and not be at the same time. The cat undergoes wave collapse but the IPU is beyond that. Its is both at the same time because you can't be certain what the hell it is, pink or invisible because you can't find it to check. Schrodinger was on the entirely wrong track with the kitty idea. The IPU isn't sure either since it can't exactly look in a mirror. It experience the essence of being pink and invisible at the same time. Such miracles are not easily come by mere mortal.
So is the IPU god?
No more than David Bowie. The IPU does not have demands of its followers. It does not demand tribute or place silly restrictions on their behaviour, dress, where they spend Saturday night, or what brand of Tequilla they consume. The IPU just is. Accept it believer since the most holy horn will not skewer you if you choose not to, in fact the IPU will do NOTHING to you if you don't choose to accept its existence. This is a non threatening religion, we have quite enough of the threatening kind already.
Where did the IPU come from?
Legend has it that someone on alt.atheism quipped that god(tm) was as logical as pixies or invisible pink unicorns. A certain someone was tickled pink (so to speak) by the idea and decided to start a new religion based on an invisible pink unicorn. This of course is merely legend and rather silly. The IPU has existed always and always will exist as the true incarnation of all that is invisible, pink, horny, and uncertain in the universe. The unicorn is responsible for all the uncertainty in the universe. It causes quantum particles be completely indeterminate, it makes the actions of Mother Nature mysterious, is responsible for an infinite number of strange and unpredictable actions and makes a damn fine tequilla sunrise. In the beginning when some furry guy in a white robe said 'let there be light' the IPU lit a clove from it. The holy smoke from the original clove defracted the light and started the random motion of light which for some unknown reason looked more than a little like Salvador Dali. Thus was born uncertainty.
So like the IPU is kind of like, uncertain?
While the IPU is the embodiment of uncertainty he/she/it/? certainly does not like stupid or fluffy people. Nor does the IPU like people who pretend they have all the bloody answers and you're just too blind and one of these days you'll pay for your lack of faith unbeliever. Hence the IPU does not require faith but exists regardless of doubt as there simply isn't a way to prove that it doesn't exist. As its invisible one can neither say its pink or not pink or something else entirely so it's entirely uncertain that its pink. If it wasn't pink it wouldn't be the Invisible Pink Unicorn now would it?
Why a unicorn?
It's 1000 times cuter than a purple assed baboon (apologies to W. Burroughs) and much more uncertain. Just because you haven't seen a unicorn dosen't mean they don't exist. I haven't seen quarks, electrons, or Peter Murphy for that matter, but I still accept their existence even though I have no direct evidence for their existence. Unicorns are special creatures which exist seemingly in the imagination but there isn't any reason they can't exist. Horses with horns in their foreheads who can only be approach by virgins are perfectly logical, their existence has not been confirmed yet.
How can one believe in the IPU?
Simple. Do so. Its not that difficult. Accept the IPU as something that exists. There isn't a way to deny its existence without denying the existence of all that cannot be directly observed by one's own sensory organs. Taking into account optical illusions, LSD, and dreams for example one can easily see how fallible even these means of observation are. There really isn't anything you can put your trust into. The people who most want to tell you that they can be trusted are those you can least afford to do so, sales representatives, politicians, insurance agents, and religious figures.
You're a religious figure, can I trust you?
As far as you can throw me. As I'm a skinny gothy type this depends on who's doing the throwing. Again its a matter of personal preference. I could be totally insane and spouting lies, or one of the most rational people around or both at the same time. There's always the chance that the Invisible Pink Unicorn is indeed sleeping at the foot of my bed and drinking my wine. Its a matter for one's personal consideration. The IPU is uncertain. It cannot be logically shown that the IPU exists or doesn't exist as much as you can tell if I'm lying or not. Most mundane heads would have exploded by now but if your cranium is still intact is it up to you gentle reader to ascertain the truth of the most holy Invisible Pink Unicorn.
This doesn't make sense.
That's the idea. The IPU doesn't make logical sense but neither do the laws of physics. They make sense to cult members who undergo a lengthy initiation, namely physicists. Nothing in the universe makes sense, the IPU is merely the first being to be honest about it. The universe just is, only logic makes us act in strange ways. Logic is what starts wars, causes misery, starts famine, and makes a really bad cup of tea. Rejecting logic is the first step to enlightenment. Logic is what tells you to cut your hair, buy sensible shoes, that your aspirations in life are a BMW, things from The Sharper Image catalogue, and that wearing velvet, lace and lots of mascara is a silly idea.
Are there any religious tracts?
Yes. The entire truth of the universe were inscribed on the sacred tablets of the IPU by the IPU itself. Unfortunately the tablets were comprised of the purest cubic zirconium and any attempt to read them using a light source results in blinding refraction effects that would sear the retina through welding glasses. Needless to say they're impossible to read and the IPU wasn't paying much attention to what was being written down and is struggling to remember. Oh well. You've seen one universal truth you've seen them all.